Use The Coal From My Stocking To Burn Down the World
Jesse: …Christmas, Christmas, Christmas, Christmas…
Jordan: *grumble* New Years…
Jesse: …Christmas, Christmas, Chistmas….
Jordan: *outuburst* New Years is bad, stay away from New Years, stay in the Old Year, you know what you’ve done, and you know why you did it.
Jesse: …Christmas, Christmas, Christmas…
Jordan: Not to mention NewYears parties. Who starts out their year by drinking?! Who wants to remember the first day of a brand new year as “Ohhh, my head…” or “Who are you?” Or better yet, “The police are at the door.”
Jesse: …Christmas, Christmas, Christmas…
Jordan: But Christmas is good.
Jesse: Who asked you?!
Jordan: Tinsel, tinsel, tinsel, tinsel…
Jesse: Tinsel gets on everything! Pretty soon those pretty sparkles are clogging the vacuum,
Jordan: …tinsel, tinsel, tinsel…
Jesse: refusing to wash out of your hair, choking small children, which isn’t necessarily a bad thing, but it tends to involve the police.
Jordan: Hey, the police are at the door!
Jesse: Exactly my point.
Jordan: Mine, too. What do we like about this season?
Jesse: Well there’s snow.
Jordan: And it’s cold. And there’s ice.
Jesse: And people crash their cars.
Jordan: And icicles fall on cats!
Jesse: It’s the most wonderful time of the year!
Jordan: God bless us every one!
Jesse: That’s ironic. You’re the kind of person who would take Tiny Tim’s crutch.
Jordan: Then push him into the street.
Jesse: Bah humbug! Has a nice ring to it… Ha ha… Jingle bells.
Jordan: Have you seen a moose lately?
Jesse: Saw a penguin. Stole his suit. Seen any deer?
Jordan: Yep.
Jesse: Little red nose?
Jordan: Great target. Know why they call that one Comet? He crashed.
Jesse: Ha ha!
Jordan: Know why they call him Dancer? He ran away.
Jesse: I thought that was Dasher?
Jordan: Him too. And Vixen, and Cupid… how do you think we got Rudolph?
Jesse: Blitzen and Vixen?
Jordan: That’s the match Cupid caused.
Jesse: This is the match I used to burn down the toyshop.
Jordan: This happens every year.
Jesse: But it enhances the northern lights.
Jordan: I hate toys. What do kids scream about at Christmas? Toys.
Jesse: They scream when they get them, scream when they don’t. Scream in joy, scream in terror, I scream, you scream, hit ‘em with a laser beam.
Jordan: Screaming.
Jesse: So I guess it’s the screaming I hate, not the toys.
Jordan: But that doesn’t explain why you burned down the toy shop.
Jesse: I had Donner cornered in there.
Jordan: Donner the reindeer?
Jesse: No, Donner the abominable snow man. Of course Donner the reindeer!
Jordan: What did he do?
Jesse: He made fun of Rudolph.
Jordan: That’s wasn’t Donner. That was Olive.
Jesse: Olive?
Jordan: You know. Olive, the other reindeer, used to laugh and call Rudolph names.
Jesse: Oops, my bad.
Jordan: …
Jesse: …
Jordan: We should go Christmas shopping.
Jesse: And burn down the mall?
Jordan: Sure why not.
*Later*
Jordan: Hey, the police are at the door.
Jesse: …Christmas, Christmas, Christmas, Christmas…
Jordan: *grumble* New Years…
Jesse: …Christmas, Christmas, Chistmas….
Jordan: *outuburst* New Years is bad, stay away from New Years, stay in the Old Year, you know what you’ve done, and you know why you did it.
Jesse: …Christmas, Christmas, Christmas…
Jordan: Not to mention NewYears parties. Who starts out their year by drinking?! Who wants to remember the first day of a brand new year as “Ohhh, my head…” or “Who are you?” Or better yet, “The police are at the door.”
Jesse: …Christmas, Christmas, Christmas…
Jordan: But Christmas is good.
Jesse: Who asked you?!
Jordan: Tinsel, tinsel, tinsel, tinsel…
Jesse: Tinsel gets on everything! Pretty soon those pretty sparkles are clogging the vacuum,
Jordan: …tinsel, tinsel, tinsel…
Jesse: refusing to wash out of your hair, choking small children, which isn’t necessarily a bad thing, but it tends to involve the police.
Jordan: Hey, the police are at the door!
Jesse: Exactly my point.
Jordan: Mine, too. What do we like about this season?
Jesse: Well there’s snow.
Jordan: And it’s cold. And there’s ice.
Jesse: And people crash their cars.
Jordan: And icicles fall on cats!
Jesse: It’s the most wonderful time of the year!
Jordan: God bless us every one!
Jesse: That’s ironic. You’re the kind of person who would take Tiny Tim’s crutch.
Jordan: Then push him into the street.
Jesse: Bah humbug! Has a nice ring to it… Ha ha… Jingle bells.
Jordan: Have you seen a moose lately?
Jesse: Saw a penguin. Stole his suit. Seen any deer?
Jordan: Yep.
Jesse: Little red nose?
Jordan: Great target. Know why they call that one Comet? He crashed.
Jesse: Ha ha!
Jordan: Know why they call him Dancer? He ran away.
Jesse: I thought that was Dasher?
Jordan: Him too. And Vixen, and Cupid… how do you think we got Rudolph?
Jesse: Blitzen and Vixen?
Jordan: That’s the match Cupid caused.
Jesse: This is the match I used to burn down the toyshop.
Jordan: This happens every year.
Jesse: But it enhances the northern lights.
Jordan: I hate toys. What do kids scream about at Christmas? Toys.
Jesse: They scream when they get them, scream when they don’t. Scream in joy, scream in terror, I scream, you scream, hit ‘em with a laser beam.
Jordan: Screaming.
Jesse: So I guess it’s the screaming I hate, not the toys.
Jordan: But that doesn’t explain why you burned down the toy shop.
Jesse: I had Donner cornered in there.
Jordan: Donner the reindeer?
Jesse: No, Donner the abominable snow man. Of course Donner the reindeer!
Jordan: What did he do?
Jesse: He made fun of Rudolph.
Jordan: That’s wasn’t Donner. That was Olive.
Jesse: Olive?
Jordan: You know. Olive, the other reindeer, used to laugh and call Rudolph names.
Jesse: Oops, my bad.
Jordan: …
Jesse: …
Jordan: We should go Christmas shopping.
Jesse: And burn down the mall?
Jordan: Sure why not.
*Later*
Jordan: Hey, the police are at the door.