The Riggs Brother’ visit to Carnegie Hall ended up becoming a matter of national security so the details are unfortunately classified.
*Jesse begins writing a letter*
Jesse: Dear Santa,
We’ve been very good this year. Please discount any statements regarding our activities that you may receive from U.S. Senators., the DEA, PETA, or the Royal Air Force.
Ethan: *fondly amused* Ah, PETA.
Jesse: *amending the letter* Dearest Santa...
Jordan: Do you think the R.A.F. writes to Santa?
Jesse: How do you think they held off the Nazi Blitz?
Jordan: I thought that was Daleks.
Jesse: Don’t be silly. Ethan, where does our Christmas shopping stand?
Ethan: I went to Jared’s.
Jordan: The arms dealer?
Ethan: Of course. *swings a rifle with a large scope to point at Jesse’s face* Nice pores. Do you exfoliate? *Jesse pushes rifle aside, and Ethan slings it over his shoulder* Now I’m off to the jewelry store for some deals of my own making.
Jordan: Deals with the police don’t count. ‘Nice list’ remember.
Jesse: Can’t we lie low for just.... *snerk* one... *snerkle* Christmas!
*all three burst out laughing*
Jesse: Whew... couldn’t say that with a straight face.
Ethan: Only if it’s in the bushes behind the department store.
Jordan: Your face is so crooked you can’t say anything with a straight face.
Jesse: Crooked must be in this century, because who’s married? I am.
Jordan: ....I’m 19... Oh, you’re talking to Ethan.
Jesse: Yea, Ethan, what’s taking so long?
Ethan: I’m lying low.
Jordan: *snerk* Must... avoid... short joke.
Jesse: So the shopping is only fifty percent. Are you going to take care of the -
Jordan: Santa impersonator?!
Jesse: What?! No?
Jesse: Definitely not!
Jordan: *snaps fingers* Reindeer.
Ethan: Guy who gave me the step stool for Christmas?
Jordan: *looks away*
Jesse: I was trying to say - Food for the Christmas party. I want everything to be perfect. We’ll have dignitaries visiting.
Ethan: Ah yes...the Roast Beast. Gotcha covered. I don’t overlook anything. *pauses and thinks about what he just said* *hangs head* Dang it.
Jordan: *snerkle* Especially with that step stool. And which dignitaries want to spend Christmas with us?
Jesse: *sigh* Well, Kim Jong Il had R.S.V.P’d... but I guess we’ll have to give his seat to somebody else. And Bin Laden had said he’d make it if he could, but, well...
Jordan: *whistling ‘Courtesy of the Red, White, and Blue’* So sad...
Ethan: Well...who’s left?
Jesse: (to himself) This could be a rather quiet party...
Jordan: *lights fuse* Not if I can help it.
Jesse: If you blow up the Roast Beast, I will be most upset.
Jordan: What is a Roast Beast anyway?
Ethan: It’s a bit like a squirrel... only much larger. With fangs. And hooves.
Jordan: So how did you kill it without blowing it up to begin with?
Jesse: He never said he didn’t blow it up.
Jordan: … Didn’t you go to the zoo last week? Didn’t I read something in the paper...
Jesse: About a missing wildebeest? *notices the spelling* Huh? Why is wildebeest spelled with two E’s?
Jordan: That’s how it’s spelled.
Jesse: Wilde-bee-st... That’s terrifying.
Eddie Izzard: *runs through, shouting* I’m covered in bees!
Jesse: Oh yea, Eddie Izzard accepted our Christmas feast invite.
Jordan: Cool *pinches fuse out*
Ethan: He’s early.
Jesse: He wanted to make sure he got cake.
Jordan: *relights fuse* Cake or death!
Jesse: *peeks out the window* It might have to wait.
Jordan: *looks out window as well* Is that... is that an angry mob?
Jesse: I believe so.
Ethan: PETA appears to have found us. Finally, I was worried they wouldn’t get here in time. This is my Christmas gift to both of you. I invited Ingrid Newkirk.
Jordan: Really?! Thanks! *shouts and tosses the bomb* I’m an animal, too, Newkirk! *jumps out the window as well*
Jesse: *deadpan* You shouldn’t have.
Ethan: No problem.
Jesse: No really. You shouldn’t have. Now Jordan’s no longer on the nice list.
Jordan: *entering from downstairs* I’m not what?...*sniffle*
Jesse: *picks up the letter he was writing* *amending* Oh great and powerful Santa Claus. This year we’ve been marginally better than last year...