Accolades. Praise. Gratitude. Thanks. Admiration. All these things are desirable. They make a person feel good inside, recognized for their hard work and achievement. Motivation to do even better stirs within them.
But not me. I hate being praised. I hate being thanked. "Thank you," "You're amazing," and "Well done" make me cringe. Not out of modesty; I am not an overly modest person.
The trouble lies in the value of what I do, and nothing I do seems to be of any real worth. Nothing I do is so difficult that it can't be overcome by natural ability and a little research if I'm completely unfamiliar with the issue. What have I done that will be remembered? As the Most Interesting Man in the World said, "It's never too early to start beefing up your obituary," but what have I done to that end?
I seek a challenge. I desire adventure, hardship and triumph. I desire to struggle against the odds, win or lose. I want to give my all, but more than that, I want my all to be asked of me. It's a natural, God-given desire.
Our preacher at Heartland Community Church spoke about giving our all in everything we do as part of a larger topic. He told us that whatever we do, from filing papers to pouring concrete to changing diapers, we should do it to the best of our ability and with full commitment to the task at hand. These words went straight into my heart, because I have so much trouble committing to anything that does not interest me, i.e. my homework and some of the tasks I perform at my job. But I'm trying. I'm not doing exceptionally well, but I'm trying.
And all the while I rage and steam, champ at the bit and rattle the bars of my proverbial cage. It is obviously for this reason that Humans vs Zombies holds such importance to me. It is sheer escapism, where I know the rules and I can gladly put forth my utmost, because in my mind, its a fight to survive, a fight to save mankind. If you tell me that I play HvZ well I do not cringe (so much), I am pleased and humbled to hear it, because it is me giving my all that you are complimenting. And nothing less than my all is worth complimenting.
At this point, I suppose, you may begin to wonder if you have been shortchanged in your relationship with me. Never fear, my all is what I strive to give in each and every one of my relationships. This has spread me thin at time and bitten me hard once or twice, but please know that I need you, my friends, because I can truly give everything to you and be worth something because of it.
So ask of me what you will. Request sincerely and I'll do my utmost to deliver. Because I love a challenge. All I ask is that, in return, you don't thank me too profusely. And when I'm gone, then you may praise me.
Because I must...
P.S. - I'll have done well if at the end I am worthy to have this played at my funeral.