He Left Me - Chapters 5-6
Original Fanfiction by: Nienna
Commentary by: Foxtrot Squad

Thanks for the reviews they were all so nice!

Here is the next chapter.

Jordan: Drat!

I’m sorry it’s so short! But I’m building up the suspense!

Jesse: (monotone) Ooo, suspense.

R&R

Jordan: That means read and review I think.
Jesse: Or railroad.
Jordan: Reduce and re-use.?
Jesse: Rise and run?
Jordan: Rinse and repeat?
Ethan: Stop it!

Disclaimer: obviously I don’t own LOTR as I am soooooooo not good at writing

All: Duh!
Jesse: (exasperated) She realizes it and she keeps writing!

exactly how he wrote. BIG DEAL! It’s my fic, I can do whatever I like to the characters! hahaha

Jordan: I don’t like where she’s going with this…

A/N ok I don’t mean to make Haldir seem so cold,

Ethan: No one could mistake this for real writing.  This whole story was obviously forged.

I promise it’ll all be explained in chapter 6 or 7 I’m not sure yet, but don’t’ worry I’ll explain it!!!

Jesse: (Bill Cosby) I hope so! 
Jordan: I seriously doubt many of our readers have heard “Dentists” by Bill Cosby.

Chapter 5

 Jordan: Double drat!

The mornings in Rivendell are truly a sight to see.

Jesse: But since no light has been in her sight since the beginning of the story, she couldn’t see it.

I stood on my balcony over looking the falls as the sun was rising.

Jordan: When for no reason at all, it fell back down.
Ethan: Beginning 1000 years of darkness.

I must admit that it did give me hope that this whole affair would soon be over. The hope soon died as Elrond entered my room, unannounced.

Jesse: …followed by a three man CIA grab team.
Ethan: This story could probably be considered terrorist activity.

I knew that this meant that those words that he had not been able to have with me last night were now to come. 

Jordan: (Elrond, singing) Bird, bird, bird, bird is the word, a-well the bird, bird...

I did not acknowledge his presence hoping against hope that he would just leave me to my thoughts,

Jesse: Only if her thoughts were going to eat her would I leave her to them.

but I knew he would not.  I could not deny him entry, for this was his palace, not mine, and I had no right to keep him out.

Jordan: I find that sentence redundant and repetitive.
Ethan: And the mention of a palace is simply wrong.

“Alatariel, please explain dinner to me.”

Jesse: (as Ala) It’s the last meal of the day, eaten in the evening.

“Well my lord, dinner is the last meal of the day, usually eaten around sunset.”

Jesse:.....
Ethan: Well that was disturbing..

“You know what I mean. Do not play games.”

Ethan: (Alatariel) Aw, but I love cricket.

His face was as stern as ever.

“Elrond, I have already told you what I think of this arranged marriage. 

Jesse: And we’ve told you what we think.
Ethan: Explicitly and at great length.

I do not believe another explanation is needed.”  I wrapped my robes around me, as a soft breeze pulled at my hair. 

Jordan:  Another indoor breeze.
Jesse: I’m surprised there aren't more elves with the sniffles from all these drafts.

I turned to face him. I know my expression was soft, but I couldn’t help it.

Jordan: She was going for a mean expression and she ended up with a soft one?

“Elrond I love you. You have always been a father to me.  I need you to understand that I don’t love Haldir.”

“I completely understand that. However, we must all make sacrifices for our people.  Please don’t fail me, daughter.” 

Jesse: I can’t believe he’s willing to claim her.

When he called me daughter I knew I couldn’t fail him. Half of me wanted to scream at him for using such devious tactics,

Ethan: It was remarkably direct, I thought.
Jordan: I thought it was pretty subtle.
Jesse: Jordan, you think anything less than .50 caliber is subtle.

while the other half asked myself how I could I have every hated the man I have come to call father?

Jordan:  “Every hated the man”? 
Jesse: I think it’s a typo.

While I tried to win this internal war with myself, Elrond left me.

Jordan: …to the thoughts that were trying to eat me.

I collapsed onto the bed, pleading for an answer to come to me; little did I know that in a day’s time I would have my answer.

Jesse: Little did she know.  Period.

            In that day’s time not much happened, but then the letter came.

Jesse: It also went “tick, tick, tick, tick...”

  My heart leapt when I saw the Mirkwood seal on the letter. 

Jordan: I didn’t know there were seals in Mirkwood, it being a forest and not an ocean.  Though if I saw a seal from Mirkwood on a letter of mine, my heart would jump, too.
Ethan: (to Jordan) You’re trying too hard.

It came during breakfast and I was standing in the doorway when I read.

Jesse: She eats breakfast in the doorway?
Ethan: Jesse, you’re trying to make sense of it and that’s not possible.

After I finished my life came to a halt.

All: Huzzah!
(Jordan jumps up and runs for the door.)

My eyes filled with tears.

Jesse: Even though she was dead already.

I must have been mistaken.

Jesse: Nope, you’re definitely dead.

I re-read the letter through 5 more times,

Ethan: That must have taken awhile.
Jordan: (from the back of the theatre) Why is the story not ending?!
Jesse: It’s not the end, come sit back down.

and every time it said the same thing.

Jesse: (Alatariel, reading) Eviction… notice…
(Jordan returns to his seat, forehead glowing bright.  Ethan stares at the glow, scared, frantically nudging Jesse who tries to ignore him.)

By now, Arwen was standing in front of me asking what was wrong. The room spun. I ran. 

Jesse: Running in a spinning room is incredibly difficult.
Jordan: (harrowed) Especially when it’s on fire.

            When I finally stumbled into my room I could hardly see.

Jesse: (hopefully) Maybe she’ll fall off the balcony again.

Furious tears ran down my face.  This isn’t happening! No!

Jordan: It wouldn’t be happening if you didn’t write the stupid fic!

I shut the curtains, shutting out all light.   

Jesse: But it still got in somehow and…
Jordan: Give it up, Jesse.

The letter was trembling in my hand. I dropped it onto the floor, collapsing onto my bed.  The letter on the floor confirmed what I refused to believe. 

Jordan: (as the writing in the letter) Due to the need to preserve sanity in the universe, your fanfiction, and you, are being deleted.  You have one hour.  Signed, God.

The letter said this:







All: (lean forward as the empty space fills the screen)
 




AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

(The sheer force of the mental blow dealt them by the multiple caps flings the men of Foxtrot Squad clear of their seats and slams them against the rear wall of the theatre.  Each is struck several times by exclamation points, in flight and while being pressed against the wall.  They drop from the wall, stunned, as the screen scrolls on.)

Short and cliffy!!!

(A loud rumble shakes the theatre and the crack in the floor at the front of the theatre widens into a proper chasm.)

That was so short! the next chapter will be longer I promise!!

Jesse: (trying to maintain consciousness) That was… unexpected.
Jordan: *lying on the floor* I can’t feel my torso.

Reviews are good for the brain u know!

Ethan: *peering at the screen with blurry vision* How many reviews would it take to improve her writing do you think?
Jesse: You’d wear your fingers out typing.
Jordan: *drags himself up holding onto a seatback, his forehead flickering and sparking*  Did we die?

LUV
Nienna5(where did this 5 come from?)

Jesse: I think it’s time for a short break…
Jordan: Hear, hear.
Ethan: *drags himself into a seat* I haven’t been hit like that since…  since Gondar…
Jesse: Not since Riverdell for me.  Sue magicians blasted us off the valley wall. 
Jordan: I can’t believe I’m saying this, but I miss Waylay right now.
Jesse:  You said you’d never go back there.
Jordan: At least there I didn’t have to read the bloody fics  We just fought them, army to army.
Ethan: He’s got a point.
Jesse: *glowers* And it’s on his forehead.
Jordan: Huh?




Hey, hey!!!!

All: Gah!
Jordan: I thought we were taking a break.
Jesse: Apparently not…

So I was reading all of my reviews, and I was so stuck on what to do next.  I absolutely hate writers block.

Jordan: If it’s been hitting you then it’s our best friend.
Jesse: Ah, that explains the short pause a moment ago.

So like I was saying was reading my review when it came to me!! 

Jesse: Joy of all joys.
 but I had to change chapter 5 first sooo, I altered chapter 5

Jordan: Please tell me we don’t have to go back and MST chapter 5 again
Jesse: I think it was already revised when I… borrowed the story.

and I that led to this fabulous chapter 6!

Jesse: Why do I doubt your words?

If I do say so myself.

Ethan: Indeed, you’ll be the only person who says so.

NOW, I don’t want any review where someone is jumping to a conclusion!!! Coughelenwencough

All: *try to read between the coughs*
Jordan: That’s difficult.
Jesse: I don’t think there’s a real word in there.

Disclaimer: I own LOTR the same way I own Harry Potter

All: *suddenly frightened*

–which isn’t

All: *big sighs of relief*
Jesse: For a moment there I thought we were dealing with a rich brat who bought the rights to Harry Potter and Lord of the Rings.

REVIEW!

All: *wince*

Don’t forget!

Jesse: (insincere) Oh, we won’t.

~luv

Nienna






Ethan: Where did all the spaces come from?
Jordan: I think the author spaced out.

Chapter 6

Jordan: Drat!

The letter confirmed my greatest fear.

Jesse: Enron was collapsing again?
Ethan: The president was re-elected?

I had been terrified of this happening. 

Jordan: Fanfiction.net was deleting all the stories like this?
Jesse: Her parents were coming back, or worse, had another daughter?
Jordan: Or..... Another daughter!? 
Jesse: *looks ashamed* I’m sorry.  I’m a terrible person for suggesting that.

I read the letter again-it only caused more tears of disbelief.

Jordan: But caused us great joy!

I was so angry that I cast the letter into the fire and watched it burn.

Jesse: Burn, burn, tree and fern! Till hair blaze and eyes glaze.  Bones black, skin crack, sightless eyes beneath the skies, so Sues burn…
All: And so Sues die!

As if this might make what the letter stated untrue. The letter said this:

All: *scream and dive for cover, shouting oaths and prayers for the sparing of their lives*

 

Dear Alatariel,

All: *peek slowly over the seats at the screen*
Jesse: (warily) I think she’s actually written the letter in now.
 My name is Aryante.

Jesse: And this is my brother Darrell and my other brother Darrell.
Legolas and I were bet roved.

Jesse: *falls out of seat laughing* Bet roved?  Darkgates, she means betrothed!  Bet roved, oh, that’s priceless! 
Of course, he never wanted to marry me,

Ethan: I can guess why in two tries.
he always spoke about you.

Jordan: (Legolas) That Ala! Grrrrrr, I’ll get even with her if it’s the last thing I do.

I always envied you.

Jordan: You have a name that can actually be pronounced.
Ethan: Why are the Sues envied?  The PPC gets them sooner or later.
You had his love, and I the blessing of his father.

Jesse: Even though Thranduil’s blessing seems to be more important in securing Legolas’ hand in marriage, she still envies the Sue.
Jordan: My head hurts.
Ethan: It’s because – oof! *gets elbowed by Jesse*
It grieves me to tell you that Legolas Greenleaf was killed

Jesse: Well that’s the end of this story.
Ethan: I’m gonna guess she’s lying.  The canon rupture would have killed us all if Legolas was dead.
Jordan: *tightly gripping his seat cushion* It’s best to be prepared.
 while accompanying the Fellowhip

Jesse: Fellowhip!?  The Fellowhip of the Ring, led by Indiana Jones!
(The Raiders of the Lost Ark Theme begins to play.)
of the Ring to Mordor. I am truly sorry; this is such a great loss. I hope you know that others also feel this great pain.

Jordan: Those others being the thousands of other “Legolas girlfriends.”
Sincerely,

Aryante

Jesse: The Bet Roved! *giggles hysterically*
Ethan: (to Jesse) Hold it together, man.

            I had never met this Aryante, but I vaguely remember Legolas mentioning the name,

Jesse: (Legolas) I really need to hunt down Aryante and get my money back.  What were we talking about?

something about a child-hood friend.

Ethan: (Aryante and Legolas) Yo, yo, yo, what up from da child-hood?!
Jordan: (Legolas to random orc) Back off man, before I whip out my nine and bust ya!

I of course had been a friend of Legolas nearly as long as I can remember.

Jordan: Since yesterday?

  He was one of the few people I remember from Mirkwood.

Jordan: She was in Mirkwood yesterday?  I thought she was in Rivendell.

He was a few years older than I.

*flashback*

(Foxtrot Squad is hit with a shockwave, but since they are already towards the back of the theatre, the effect is minimal.)

I was crying.

Ethan: (Alatariel) I broke a nail!

I was lost, alone,

Jordan: …and orcs kept prodding me with sharp objects.

and I missed my parents.  I curled into a ball

Jordan: (singing) She rolled off the Tower!  And plunged to the ground! And now this bad fiend-girl, can never be found!
Jesse: That was good.

at the foot of a tree. 

Jordan: (Treebeard) Little orc!

It was so cold out.  I shut my eyes hoping that I was going to open them and find that I was home, safe in my bed. 

Ethan: While we sit here and hope that when you open your eyes you’ll find yourself looking at the inside of a Warg’s mouth.

I heard a twig crack,

Jesse: …and felt hot breath on the back of my neck.

 and shut my eyes even harder.

Jordan: (Ala) If I can’t see him he doesn’t exist.

I began to tremble in fear-something was coming to eat me. 

Jordan: (shouting) It’s a Warg!
Jesse: I’m convinced she’s deaf.

My breathing was ragged. Suddenly warm soft arms encircled me.

Jordan: Is Warg fur soft and warm?

 I screamed, because I was terrified,

Jesse: (Ala) As opposed to screaming to hear myself scream.

but one of the hands came to my mouth.  

Jesse: (Gollum) And now we throttles it, my precioussss!

“Shhh, stop screaming, I won’t hurt you.” 

“I want to go home.”

Jesse: Then click your heals and say.. Oops wrong story.
Jordan: No, no, no, wait!  That might work!
All: *click heals frantically*

“What’s your name?”

Jordan: Sue.

“Alatariel,” I replied weakly,

Jordan: Because I was being strangled.

“Who are you?”

Jordan: Smeagol.

“I am Legolas.

All: Ugh...

Everyone has been looking for you.” 

Jesse: (Legolas) There’s an angry horde on my heels.  You shouldn’t have cheated at Mirkwood Monopoly!

Legolas lifted me up.

Ethan: And threw me across the clearing into the ropes!
Jesse: And then he jumped from the top rope into a 720 Splash!  Smack down!

He was strong for such a young elf,

Jordan: Little known fact.  Legolas used to be nicknamed The Body.

or was I just incredibly light?

Jordan: Only light headed.  You’re lacking a something in the area of your cranium.

I began to cry again. 

Jesse: For no apparent reason.
Jordan: (as Fonzy style Legolas) Salt tears are very bad for my leather jacket.

Legolas said “Shhh,”

Ethan: (Legolas) “They’re coming!”

And carried me back to my parents.

*End of Flashback*

(Foxtrot Squad is hurled forward to the front row.)
Ethan: *looking at the floor* Was this chasm here earlier?
Jesse: (nonchalant) No, that’s new… Must be the “cliffy” she was talking about.
(Jordan’s eyes bulge a bit a looks at the chasm and his forehead sparks.)
Ethan: (to Jesse)  He’s starting to smell like a shorted electrical outlet.
Jesse: He’ll be fine.

            That’s how I first met Legolas. 

Jesse: Wow, what a surprise!

When I moved away to Rivendell he used to write to me, because I was so young when we left I had trouble reading his letters.

Jesse: He figured that since I couldn’t read them he could put all of his evil secrets in them and not have to worry about it.
Ethan: (as young Ala reading) And, suh.. suh.. someday I want to tay.. tay.. take over the w..w..w.. world.

Elrond used to sit and read them to me, after my parents disappeared. 

Jesse:  I’ve figured out why they left!
Jordan: Do tell.
Jesse: They got tired of their stupid daughter.
Jordan: ......
(The glow of Jordan’s exclamation mark gets a tinge of red and Jesse sits back, slightly alarmed.)

The memory only made me despair more.

Ethan: And threw us into gales of cheerful laughter.
He’s gone from me, forever.  

Jordan: Do you think she’ll die of a broken heart?
Jesse: We can only hope.

Memories came flooding back to me. 

Jesse and Jordan: (Jesse enthusiastically and Jordan mimicking his brother) Threatening to drown her!

Legolas coming to visit me

Jordan: In prison.

-Legolas teaching me to swim

Jesse: And threatening to drown her.
Jordan: (Legolas) Go ahead, jump in, the Watcher in the Water only looks mean.  He’s actually very cuddly!
Jesse: (Ala) Well…
Jordan: (Legolas pushing Ala) Ha ha ha ha, I’ve rid the world of you!

-Legolas coming so close,

Ethan: …to killing me

 we almost kissed,

Jesse: But at the last moment Legolas ran her through with an arrow!
Jordan: Almost is better than actually kissing.  At least they don’t kiss.  Right Jesse?
Jesse: (shifts uncomfortably)
Jordan: Right?!

before he turned away. 

Jesse: (Legolas) You’ve got something in your teeth.

I missed that.

Jordan: That’s why you should brush your teeth longer.
Jesse: (celebratory) Woot!  Let’s hear it for the psychic!

I missed when we were young and hadn’t a care in the world.

Ethan: We miss the times before this fanfiction came and ruined our lives.

He was so polite.

Jordan: In a hostile sort of way.
Ethan: (Goldfinger) No, Mr. Bond, I expect you to die.

When we were young it was so clear to me that he wanted to kiss me.

Jesse: He probably would rather have bit your throat.
Jordan: Ahhh, Legolas biting Ala, bad mental picture!

I mean he came so close every time, and then he would back up, and simply run in the opposite direction. 

Jesse:  Did he turn into a greyhound or something?

I made the first move.

Jordan: Knight to King 5.

  I laughed out loud at the memory,

All: And we got sick.

and I tried not to think too much that I would never wake up next to him again. 

Jordan: She’s woken up next to him before?!  Jesse, you might have warned us…
Jesse: Like I said, I couldn’t have gotten you into the theatre in the first place.

            There was a knock at the door. 

Ethan: (Ala) Someone was breaking it down in their haste to kill me!

Arwen came in, her head cocked

Jordan: *makes chicken noises and the other two look on, confused*

 to the side in a questioning way. 

No one knew.

Jesse: - when this scene would end.

 I shook my head.

Jordan: And passed out like before.

“What happened?” she asked. Tears slipped out of the corners of my eys.

Jesse: Her what?!
Jordan: (matter of fact) Her eys.  *pulls out a Mary Sue dictionary* 1. eys noun – a common Sue misspelling of eyes  Ex. laughing eys, sparkling eys     2. Eys  noun –  a common misspelling of the source of a Sue’s power Ex. alluring eys   3. Eys noun – capitol of a random Sue Land
Jesse: *pointing to dictionary* Where did you get that?
Jordan: It was just floating by.

“He’s dead.”

Jesse: Who’s dead?
Jordan: Probably her brain.
Ethan: Her brain’s a he?

My voice was empty and hollow.

Jordan: Her head makes the same type of noise when you tap on it.

“Legolas?”

Legolas: What?
Jesse: (startled) Where did you come from?
Legolas: I’m not sure how I got here, but I'm running from the Sues.  You never saw me.
Jordan: You got it.  We’ll stall them if they show up.
Legolas: Thanks.  *jumps into a plot hole and disappears*
Ethan: Are we really gonna stall them?
Jordan: Oh, hell no.  I don't even have a pocket knife with me.

“Yes.  I got a letter from this she-elf.  

Ethan: As opposed to a she-trout?
Jordan: Or a sea elf?

Apparently she was Legolas’ bet roved. 

Jesse: (laughing hysterically)  There it is again! Oh, this is priceless.

He never told me that he was bet roved.

All: HaHaHaHaHaHaHaHaHa!!!!!!
Jesse: *wiping tears of mirth* It only gets funnier every time she uses it.

I never knew…” I suddenly felt cheated.

Jordan: That cashier overcharged me when I bought this brain!
Jesse: Sounds like a personal problem.

  I thought he loved me.  

Jesse: *rolls eyes* Great, now she’s trying to think.
Ethan: (Le Fou, sings) A dangerous pastime.
Jordan: (Gaston, sings) I know.

Then I had this terrible realization.

Jordan:(author) My character is a Sue!

  I started it.

Ethan: *imitates an engine cranking with surprising skill*

  I’ve always known that if I hadn’t kissed him,

Jesse: Our braces wouldn’t have become locked and we could have avoided that unfortunate encounter with our parents.

 we would have fallen

Jesse: -off a cliff-

for each other.

Jordan: That last line made no sense.
Jesse: (evil chuckle) Especially after I got a hold of it!

 I brought this upon myself.

Ethan: That’s exactly what you’ve done.  Go to time out.

 “Arwen, I really need to be alone right now.”

Jordan:(author) I need to think of a way to re-write this.
Jesse: She can think?

She stood and left without another word.

Jordan: but first, she unpacked and armed a time bomb. 

           I skipped dinner that night, sitting alone in my room-thinking.

Jesse: She can think?!
Jordan: I’ll bet her brain short circuits.(At that remark, Jesse glances at Jordan's forehead and snerks.)

 I grieved for Legolas.

Jesse: (Ala) so much so that I killed myself.
Jordan: That’s the bomb’s job.

 I loved him, and I knew I could never love anyone the same way.  I couldn’t stem the flow of tears.

Jesse and Jordan: (enthusiastically and mimicking, respectively) - that were threatening to drown her. 

 Everything reminded me of him- my room, my bed,

Ethan: Her bed?!
Jordan: Nooooooo! Bad mental picture!

 my very soul. 

Jesse: (to Ala) Now I know you don’t have one of those. 

Finally I passed out of consciousness.

Jordan: (Ala) and died before anyone could save me.
Ethan: I’ve noticed she passes out a lot.  A plot device perhaps?

  I had a strange vision that night-a dream perhaps.

Jesse: Make up you’re mind!  Was it a dream or a strange vision?

            I was at the brook where I had first kissed Legolas.

All: - before he ran me through with an arrow! *look at each other and burst out laughing*

   I was alone,

Jordan: Again? I thought Legolas was with her.
Jesse: Quit trying to make sense of it.

 or so I thought. 

Jordan: (Ala) The orcs had hidden themselves very well this time.

I heard a soft breathing behind me.

Jordan: Do orcs breath lightly?
Ethan: It’s probably a Warg again.

 I spun around, right into his arms.

Jesse: (Ala) and out the other side.
Jordan: (orc) Let’s put a maggot hole in your belly.

 I giggled.

Jordan:(Ala) Orcs are so cute and this one wouldn’t quit tickling me with his dag… Ouch!

  This is what I wanted. I wanted to be in his arms

Ethan: Who’s arms?  She still hasn’t told us who showed up!
Jesse: It’s probably better that we don’t know.  We can assume that it isn’t Legolas, and go on operating under the belief that’s she’s crazy for some orc.
Jordan: We already know she’s crazy.

and feel his skin against mine.

Jordan: We’d rather that you felt his dagger against your skin.

 Why couldn’t this be reality?

Jordan: Maybe because the books don’t go like this?
Jesse: Or maybe because it’s a dream?
Ethan: Or maybe the universe has a sense of justice?

 Even in my happy bliss I knew that this couldn’t be real.  I was in his arms when Haldir appeared out of the shadows.  The sentry changed suddenly.

Jesse: - into another orc,
Jordan: - and they both fell upon her hacking and stabbing.

 Legolas disappeared

Jordan: (firmly to himself) Even though he wasn’t there in the first place.

leaving me cold and scared.

Jesse: …and very dead.

Haldir put his arms around me.

Jordan: - and immediately began to throttle me.
Jesse: (Haldir) Just die already!

It felt different-not being in Legolas’ arms.

Jordan: (Ala) Haldir strangles differently than Legolas
Ethan: Okay, this is getting strange.

“He’s gone, but he wouldn’t want you to waist your life away. 

All: (instantly) Yes he would!
Jesse: Even if you could figure out how to waist your life away.  Now you can exercise you waist away, but waist away your life… it just doesn't make sense.

He would want you to be happy.” 

Jordan: (Legolas) You’ll be happy in the afterlife Ala.  Goodbye.

I nodded my throat tightening.

Jesse: (hopefully) Does she mean that something around her neck is tightening?
Jordan: Oh, praise the Vala!

I was staring at the spot where Legolas-my love-disappeared.

All: (firmly to themselves) Even though he wasn’t there in the first place!

I wasn’t processing what was happening.

Jesse: Her brain had too little RAM.

Haldir sat by, still holding me close, whispering “It will be all right, don’t worry.” 

Jordan: (Haldir) Dying doesn’t hurt that much.
Ethan: (Haldir) I should know, they killed me off in the second movie.

Tears were falling down my cheeks, Haldir was wiping them away.

Jesse: Sisyphus had his stone, Haldir has these tears...
Jordan: …and we’ve got this fanfic.

I wanted to push him off me.  His friend just died, and all he could do was comfort me.

Jordan: Isn’t that the right and chivalrous thing to do?

Oh, wait-that’s the nice thing to do. 

Jesse: (rolls eyes) This is so pathetic.
Ethan: *ducks a small, swooping, black, winged creature*  The angst bats are starting to come out.
Jordan: *tosses up a soggy piece of popcorn which is promptly snatched by an angst bat* Bloody vermin.

I turned to look at him, my face stained with tears, and he planted a soft kiss on my lips.

Jesse: (Haldir) And if you water it and give it lots of sunshine, this kiss will grow into hug!

            I woke up with the morning light streaming through the window;

Jordan: Many spears, arrows, and various other projectiles were streaming in as well.
(Inside the theatre, it finally stops raining.  Foxtrot Squad just looks up in silent gratefulness.)

 someone had been in and must have opened them. 

Jesse: They probably left another bomb.

It took all of my strength to prevent the stream of vomit from spilling from my mouth. I dreamt of kissing Haldir. No, he kissed me. 

Jesse: It’s all the same thing!

Despite my feelings of disgust I knew what the dream meant.  I opened the balcony doors to let in some air.  The dream was telling me to live on-without him, to except Haldir’s proposal.

Jesse and Jordan: (doomed, echoing shouts) Noooooooooooooooo!
Ethan: It’s not even spelled right, guys.

I knew that Haldir would make me happy, but I also knew that I could never love him. 

Jesse: *knocks an angst bat off his theatre seat arm*  We’re going to have to call an exterminator.

I walked back inside my room, slipping into a dark black gown.  I put my hair up elegantly and found upon my dresser a silver diadem, with blue jewels encrusted into it.

Ethan: …I put my hair up on the dresser next to the diadem till I needed it.

 . I also slid this on.

Jesse: …the ice.

            Out in the hall I found no one. I made my way slowly to the dinning hall, passing through the hallways as if I were a ghost.

Jordan: (ghost Ala) Boogity!  Boogity!  Boogity!

I felt like it.  Everything felt surreal. I was still in slight disbelief that he could possibly be dead.

Jordan: I don’t think she’ll ever accept the fact.
Ethan: It’s her own fault for writing it this way.

I would have felt him die, I would have known. However, apparently I did not.  I entered the dinning hall. The little chatter that had been taking place quickly died away. 

Jesse: (random elf) So how quickly can we dispose of Alatariel before Elr…
Jordan: (random elf) We could always throw her off the… *breaks off whistling*

They knew now, and I was glad of it.  I took my place next to Arwen, across from Haldir. I couldn’t meet his eyes when we spoke.  I ate very little finding that I was not as hungry as I should have been.

            The day passed in a slow, unreal way.  Moving from one moment to the next seemed an eternity.

Ethan: We know the feeling.

I spent most of my time in the gardens, preferring to be alone, then surrounded by others.  It was near to dusk when Haldir came to find me, sitting near a small waterfall.

Jesse: Where a unicorn was bathing, no doubt.

“May I sit here?” he asked indicating the space next to me, on the soft grass.

Ethan: (as Ala) I’d rather you sat on soft grass than on my space, which is setting there.

“Of course; I’ve been meaning to speak with you.”  I said.

“Yes.”

“Haldir, I’m truly sorry for the harsh words that I spoke the other night. I was out of place. I barely know you. I shouldn’t have judged you so quickly.”  While I said this I met his eyes for the first time today,

Jesse: (Ala) Hello Haldir’s eyes, how are you?
Jordan: (Haldir’s eyes) We hurt something awful from having to look at you.

 conveying how sorry I was.

“Thank you. I know that the news of a possible engagement came as quite a shock,” he continued, “I also understand that the tragedy of Legolas’ death has been quite a blow to us all.”  Tears sprang to me eyes and fell.

Jesse: - back in horror at the sight of a Mary Sue!
Jordan: Fall back!  Fall Back!  Retreat!
Ethan: A capital idea! *Both run for the door and begin banging on it.*
Jesse: Would you two quit that!

 Haldir gently wiped them away. 

Jordan: *looking over shoulder at the screen* Gee, more of those tears Haldir has to wipe away.

“I know how you feel. I just want you to know, that I don’t expect you to except the proposal. In fact I don’t want you to.” I looked at him through bleary eyes.

Jordan: And didn’t see the Urak-Hai sneaking up behind him. 
(They come back to their seats rather dejected)

“I want you, to come, if and when you’re ready to come back to Lothlorien with me. I don’t want to pressure you. I just think it might be nice to meet some of the elves from Lothlorien. I just-” I silenced him with I finger.

Jesse: Then poked him with U finger, and after that, gave him a Wet Willy with fingers R through V.

“That sounds pleasant, but not now, nor tomorrow. I just don’t think I’ll be ready. I do, however, wish for you and me to become friends.” I saw his eyes light up

All: (blinded as the screen blazes forth in the light of Haldir’s extremely bright eyes)

at the prospect of us becoming friends. My heart too lifted slightly.  

Jesse: (eyes watering) (as Haldir’s heart) Hold your end up higher over there Ala’s Heart, or you’ll drop the artery.

            That night I cried silently letting the tears trickle down.

Jesse: into a rather large pool on the floor that was threatening to drown her.

  I love Legolas, but what Haldir said held truth within it.

Jordan: Ha ha, I’ve got you now truth!

Legolas would want me to be happy.  I shut my eyes. I thought of Legolas and the

Jesse: -kidney stone-

past. 

Jesse: Oh, that was good, Kudos for Jesse!
Ethan: That’s the wrong passed/past.
Jesse: (defensively) A Sue wouldn’t notice!

The next morning I woke feeling as if a heavy burden had been laid upon my heart.  I would never be truly happy, but I knew that I could survive, because Legolas would want it that way.

Jesse: No, he doesn’t want it that way, I promise you!

Ok see? I can be nice! No cliffy today!  If y’all review than I won’t be forced to take drastic actions with another cliffy!

(The chasm widens, theatre seats dropping into darkness.  Ethan barely leaps clear as the chasm stretches back to the third row.)
Jesse: That’s going to affect our insurance.

~LuV

Nienna

Jordan: *looking into the chasm*  I think I see lava down there.
Ethan: *looking as well* There is a warm draft.

Continue to Chapters 7 and 8...

Author's Note

This fanfiction is no longer available at its orginal source on Fanfiction.net, and was never completed even there.  Even so, it goes on for pages and pages, and Foxtrot Squad were not able to make it through the entirety of what was written.